Bullies in the Cabin

[runrachrunn]

I know I've mentioned it a few times already, but we had a MAJOR bullying problem in our cabin.

So here's a bit of background:

Said Camper (henceforth referred to as Jane - not her real name) showed up on the first day all smiles. When we got into the cabin, she grabbed another girl ("Jess") and immediately said "I want you to sleep next to me" - she had never met the girl before, in fact, Jane is from Ontario and Jess is from CA.

Things were ok for the first couple of days, but then Jane got really aggressive verbally, making rude comments about other camper's appearances. Or she would pull the shtick where she would be sitting on a bunkbed and another girl ("Jordi") would want to come up and she'd be like "No, there's no room". And then after a few minutes she'd be like "Jordi, do you want to come, I'm going down?". That sort of thing went on for awhile, and then it escalated. She was very defensive and sarcastic - most of the comments came with eyerolling. It must be known that Jane's father died last year, and it was noted on the camper info form that she had had behavioral problems at school.

Jane's bullying became worse about half-way through the session. She would bicker with the other girls about almost anything, and if she didn't get her way, then she would run off somewhere (away from the group where the staff couldn't see her) and sulk.

As a cabin staff, we were very frustrated as to how to deal with this issue. On one hand, we were very sensitive to Jane's fathers' death, yet on the otherhand we were very aware of making sure that we didn't use that event as a scapegoat for her behavior.

We tried to employ different strategies: cabin talks about respect; seperating the girls, pulling Jane aside so she could talk to a staff one on one. Jane however, being the manipulative and mallicious kid that she was, would be totally ok during these periods, but as soon as she went back to the group, she'd be back to her inappropriate and unacceptable behavior. Part of the other problem was that anytime the unit head or director came to talk to her, she'd put on her miss innocent look. That only complicated things, A LOT.

Fast forward a little bit: This is about 8-9 days before the end of the summer. One of the doctor's daughters was in my cabin, which made it more difficult for us as a staff because the kid constantly wanted to be with her dad. On top of that, "Justine" is a tough kid and wouldn't take crap from Jane. So what would happen is that Jane (or Justine for that matter) would pick and argument and it would just escalate out of control until Justine would burst into tears. Nothing we could do as staff seemed to diffuse this type of issue.

My cabin staff and I started having meetings several times a day (I think there was one day where we had 8 meetings!), always discussing what Jane had did, and how it was affecting the rest of the cabin dynamic.

Then the climax of the whole ordeal: I was sitting "shmira" -watch during a DJ-hosted concert, and burst into tears because I was just so frustrated with the situation and the fact that nothing was being done. I could not believe that a 9 year old's behavior was making me cry. how crazy is that!
At that point I called my mom (long-distance) and she suggested, as an educator and as a parent, that I make the recommendation that the kid be sent home. I spoke with the unit head that evening, and she basically shrugged off my frustration and pointed it towards problems I was having down on the swim docks, which was only complicating my perception of the incidents we were having in the cabin.

Sunday of that week, one of our cabin staff left to go to college (leaving us with 2 counsellors and 2 specialists). The next day, 1 of the counsellors got fired for an alcohol-related incident, leaving 1 counsellor and 2 specialist. Things only intensified with Jane's bullying after that.

At the end of the summer, Jane was still at camp. Her behavior was awful until the moment she got on the bus - she slapped justine across the stomach at breakfast on the last day because Justine got the tropicana orange juice first.

I have to say that I am totally unhappy with the camp in terms of how it handled the whole situation. I made the point several times that I am not trained as a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker, and I do not have the professional training to employ strategies that will enable such a child to get along with others. I also made the point that there are certain kids that are not cut out to be at certain camps. I personally believed (along with my co-staff) that this kid was not suited for this camp. Unfortunately, the head staff (namely the unit head and the asst director) disagreed with me, stating that every child, no matter what, had the right to come to camp (our camp has a very strong 'inclusion' policy). I honestly don't think it's a matter of inclusion or exclusion. I truly believe that if a child is ruining the experience of her fellow campers and even her cabin staff, something drastic must be done.

Anyways, that's my story. Sorry this is so long. I hope someone has some advice or wisdom for me...

[tajarbud]

That siuation sounds like it was way out of control. :eek:
Do the campers at your camp have behavior expectations? I don;t mean simply described in the literature about the program, but something that they are responsible for.
Each camper here receives a behavior expectations agreement that is turned in at check-in. There is a place for the camper and the parent to sign the agreement. There are behaviors that are just not tolerated and are cause for a camper to be sent home. This is all spelled out in the bevior agreement. Hitting is just one of the unacceptable behaviors.
Expectations are clearly spelled out--along with the consequences for said behavior.
Are the cabin groups not observed by the unit head or other support staff? At what point does unacceptable behavior reach the camp director? If he/she is unaware of problems in the cabins, how do they deal with parent calls/complaints? How large is the camp? How many campers ? Is the director a full time staff member?
Sorry to ask so many questions. :)

[runrachrunn]

Tajar, no your questions are awesome.

No we don't have behavior expectations in the way you described.
The groups are sorta observed by the unit head. Our unit head was kinda an issue this summer, she really wasn't helpful.
Any major medical/social/behavioral issues are put forth to the director (who is full time) within 2-3 days. The staff is free to approach the directors anytime, and I did on several occasions.
The unit head did call the mother and had a 45 minute discussion with her on the day before visitors day. Apparently the conversation was positive and the mom suggested other strategies and techniques that we could use to try and "disarm" her daughter.

The camp is not that large - probably 220-240 campers, 2 directors, 5 unit heads and about 135 staff.

[campnerd99]

Our campers are told at the very beginning of the week that there's a zero tolerance policy for bullying. The policy we use is modeled after the one the local schoolboard uses. Depending on how severl the bullying incident one the bully may get a warning and talked to about why it's wrong, however if it continues the camper will be sent home.
I agree with you runrachrunn, that it's not so much an exclusion problem if the problem persisted for the whole summer.

[camper]

a lot of times camps don't want to send kids home because of money reasons, also sometimes it's because kids have younger sibs and they don't want to lose a whole family. it's pretty unfortunate but sometimes its the truth. it's also unhelpful when your unit head isn't on board. at my camp, my mom just says "if you have a problem with a child repeatedly, just send them to me every time there's an incident." usually that works...we also document EVERY incident with certain children. that way if we do have to send them home we have, concretely in writing, all of the reasons why.

[Melk]

We have a lot of campers that are much better off at camp so we keep some kids because they have no one who care about them at home. At least at camp there are people who care about the kids.

[KiwiCRB]

I had one camper attack another and it was scary, she really wanted to hurt this other girl. She was autistic and had done really well another week she came to camp so I don't know what happened the last week. I'm really glad she was at camp I've just never worked with autistic kids before so I didn't really know how to handle her all week. It was definatley a learning experience though!

[collissimon]

Different things to try out (though bullying is hard to deal with because it's usually lots of tiny events rather than one big one)

We do a 'Bunk Agreement' on the first night of camp, where the kids basically come up with a set of rules that they have ownership over, and then sign it. You can then refer to the agreement that they all decided to not do this.

Selective ignoring, a great way for little niggly things, like pushing in a bunk line/not keeping hand to themselves etc. is to pay attention to those who are following your directions and praise them. When the kid who's not does what you ask, you can then pay them attention for doing the right thing rather than the inappropriate.

For the more serious stuff, do you have some sort of system to deal with disruptive campers? It sounded like you could have done with some sort of meeting about what to do with the camper, and maybe have some sort of process in place (e.g. if she does this she gets a morning suspension; if this happens again a full day suspension, again, suspension and talk with directors etc....)

[Mouse...]

I've never had to deal with bullys as severe as that but we had some pretty bad issues with the CIT 1's last year.

[CAMPFRIEND]

I think that problem was not you. One thing is as a director you need to have times when you step in and help any of your staff out. That is why I am a director and I love my job. I might not be the most like in camp by all of the campers, but all of our kids never want to end up in my office. I also have no problem sending campers home. In our parent pack we state that if campers are sent home for disciplinary reasons NO REFUND! I did loose a family this summer when I sent one child home but I have to look out for 120 other campers. I think that you did all you could. I wish that you would have gotten more help from the head staff. Camps wonder why we have such a high staff turn-over rate. I think that this is one of the problems.

My counselors all know that I will be the bad guy. I don’t have to live with the campers they do.

Just don’t walk away from this with the feeling that you failed. It sounds like you did not get the help that you needed when you asked.

[Melk]

I might not be the most like in camp by all of the campers, but all of our kids never want to end up in my office.
It's true... when I was a camper I did not want to end up talking to this guy..... lol

[CAMPFRIEND]

If it's done right campers stay out of trouble!

[Chicken Soup]

In my experience, if there is no consequence for the negative behavior, the behavior will keep repeating. If a child knows that when they misbehave, they're going to "get a talking to from a person in authority", and that's it, there's no motivation for them to stop their behavior. Sounds to me like your administration is reluctant to send kids home. At the very least then, they should make a call to a parent or give you some help in establishing consequences for negative behavior.

You articulated extremely well the circumstances regarding this camper and sounds like you handled things the best that you can. Unfortunately, this is one of those times when the people in charge let you down. A camp should never be held hostage by a kid because they're afraid to lose revenue or are concerned about the possibility of losing other kids in the family if one is sent home. The fact is, they may lose another child who will not return as a result of the behavior that was allowed with the girl who lost her father. No doubt that her behavior is related to her father's death, which explains her behavior, but should not excuse it. But if there's no real consequence for her actions then the actions will keep repeating.

It might be time to look for another camp if you can't convince your camp to put something in place to prevent this in the future. I agree with the zero tolerance on bullying that someone else mentioned.

Sorry you went through this but I think you handled it the best you could under the circumstances.

[SWTexan]

I agree with Campfriend. Our job as directors is to provide support for our campers and staff through utilizing our experience. There isn't a situation that I can think of that a counselor goes through every summer that a veteran director probably didn't go through in their career. The names and details change, but the actual issues are usually all the same.

It is especially important to make your staff feel like you are there to support them. I only have one negative memory of working with my previous director (i was there for 4 years, and did off-season work as well)-on opening day of my last summer there, a camper was put in a cabin with kids that were two years older than him (and in another programming division). Since I was the program director in charge of moving trunks that day, our asst. director asked me to smooth everthing over and move the kid. The kid was cool with it, but mom was not, assured that her son had formed a lasting bond with the kid in the next bunk in the 5 minutes he'd been there. When we went to talk to the director, he told her that "the staff made a mistake, the move never should have happened, and we'll take care of it." He left me out to dry, and I didn't have any credibility with that parent or the others that she talked to on her way out of camp. Luckily, that wasn't actually my division, so I didn't have many dealings with the kids and none with the parents. However, I made a promise to myself that as a director, I would do my best to never make a staff member feel that way. One of the things that I think of as I work through a situation is to always try to put myself back in the shoes of the counselor, and I think that always helps the staff understand the decisions that we have to make as directors.

[Strand]

I have a zero tolerance for bullies. The fact that they are more that likely bullies at there school and they have to bring that same attitudes with them to camp ticks me off. The worst expirance I ever had happened last year.

This kid thought he was a real hot shot with his tough guy city looks, his name was Mike. It only took me 5 minutes to figure out we were going to have problems. I saw Mike push another kid out of the way to get his duffel bag that was on the ground. When we were split up into groups I was lucky enough to get him in my cabin. Mike was shy, and flat out refused to be in small groups. I saw him push others out of his way, steal food from others, and call people some very abusive names.

I had a 12 Pack of Mountain Dew that was for my cabin on the last day before they left for home tomorrow. One day I found it missing, along with several others items including 2 CD's (Elvis Presley and AC/DC) $5 from my wallet, and a pair of cheap aviator merriored sun glasses. Could it have been quincidence? I thought not. In my entire life I have never EVER misplace money. The sun glasses I could understand, everyone does it. The Mountain Dew was the final nail in the coffin. During the entire week, not once have I moved it, it laid under my bed in a paper bag. Camp code forbids a councilor to search a camper's bag for any reason.

One day crushed cans of Mountain Dew appeared in the cabin's trash basket. The first art of being a tieft is getting away with it, and leaving no trail. I had this kid figured out. During small group just before lights out I have a meeting with my guys. I told them this: "One of you stole a 12 pack of Mountain Dew from me. The reason why I know this is empty cans of Mountain Dew in trash bin over the days. *I dumped the cans on the ground.* That 12 pack was a surprise for you guys at the end of the week before you guys leave. So now not only is the surprise spoiled, there will be none. Not only that, $5 from my wallet up and left. So now I can't buy a replacement. Sorry fellas."

The next day 11 of the 12 kids in my group sept forward (except Mike being the 12th) and said that Mike was the one who stole from me. 3 of them saw him do it. I liked their honestly and I opened my back pack taking out a new case of Baumeister Rootbeer, which is several steps above Mountain Dew.

Mike eventually gave me back my CD's, money, and an apology in exchange for a rootbeer. A fair trade.

[Melk]

I went to an ed. session at ACA Nationals on bullying. However, I am swamped getting homework done for this week since I was not at school last week so once I finish my work (sometime this weekend or in the next few weeks, were getting close to midterms) I'll write up the notes I had and write an article about it. It was some good stuff.

[Smudge]

I have a major issue with bullying - many people dont actually understand or appreciate the long term damage that bullying can do to those who are!

I think regardless of how you deal with the bullies PLEASE remember that those who have been bullied need help and support and reassurance.

I was badly bullied for many years, and for many reasons including racism, so if any one has any specific questions feel free to ask!

[campCardinal]

I haven't read all of the responses... but here is some information about what I have done with bullies in my cabin.

I had a situation where it was shower time - and the cabin was left unattended (due to a miscommunication between staffers covering the cabin because multiple counselors had to take that night off). Another counselor was walking by and over heard an interaction and I went to deal with the situation. It was a classic bullying situation. I tried this technique I had learned in my education management classes... and it worked!

I sat down with the campers involved individually and had them tell me what happened and I took notes. I didn't pass judgement and I just let them tell me the story. Once I had both stories - I talked to them again (still individually) about some of the discrepencies - and I asked them if they had anything else they would like for me to know. The bully ended up admitting to me that she had been mean - and said mean things to the other girl (I'm sure I was lucky that she admitted this). We chatted for a while about why she was acting in this way - what was setting her off - and how we could change that. We set up a code-word -- so if she was feeling that way again, she could tell me and the other counselors the codeword and we would understand and help her remove herself form the situation. I also asked her to be my buddy - and just stay close to me -- and I let her carry my schedule or whatever, so she felt important -- but I also wanted her to stick close to me so I could be more aware of what she was doing. We still had to take care of what she had done- and I asked her what type of "punishment" she thought would be appropriate. She was like, "I should probably be sent home" and I explained to her that she didn't need to go home (yet) but that if her behavior didn't improve she would need to go home. We talked about how I wanted her to stay in my cabin, I wanted her to stay the whole session, etc. I had her write an apology to the other girl (first, approved by me) and then we let the situation be over - we didn't bring it up again.

For us, everything worked out pretty well. I mean, we were lucky that she was cooperative - I think she wanted to be at camp. Some kids act out because they want to go home. But yeah, I think the kid really needs to be involved in the process and conversation - and you need to ask them what they want you to do to help them. It might not work with every kid - but keep building that relationship so that they will trust you and want to be open with you about these things.

[Giggles]

that's an amazing solution campCardinal! I love it! I am sure you were lucky though with the cooperation, but I am sure talking to her alone helped since she had no peers around her. Plus involving her and also "punishing" her but also letting her know that you did want her to stay with you and at camp! yay!

[ARam_Kelp]

We had some issues with a pair of 7 and 8 year olds bullying another girl in the unit last year. They drew all over her stuffed animal and coated her bed in cracker crums. The two girls were sisters and from a fairly underprivledged background so we really didn't want to send them home. What eventually worked was getting someone from outside the unit to step in and give a lecture. The assistant director gave them a talk about respect, in front of the CITs. That basically guilted the unit into better behavior.
I'm not sure that guilt or embarassment was the best solution but it worked.