What do you do when a camper tell you "No"

[CAMPFRIEND]

I think that we have all had a time when we have had a camp who has told us “NO”. So the question is what do you do? I know there is a lot of different ways to deal with this problem. My question is how would you deal with it?

[Skater Bubbles]

I get down on ther level and look them in the eye and ask them again. This usually works, if not then I say "if you don't then BLANK (you'll miss pool, or the whole cabin will be late for dinner or whatever pertains to the situation) ,you wouldn't want that would you?

[CAMPFRIEND]

I get down on ther level and look them in the eye and ask them again. This usually works, if not then I say "if you don't then BLANK (you'll miss pool, or the whole cabin will be late for dinner or whatever pertains to the situation) ,you wouldn't want that would you?

What if it still will not work. The campers uses I don't care about Pool time. The answer is still NO!!

[Sparkes]

In a case like that, I find peer pressure kicks in. Doesn't matter the age, if the rest of the bunk wants to go swimming except the one camper, and they know its that one person holding them up, the rest of the bunk tends to try and make the camper cooperate, which works wonders (and is relativly painless for everyone involved).

[CAMPFRIEND]

Is that fair to keep all your campers if one is not listening?

[Dave]

I get down on ther level and look them in the eye and ask them again. This usually works, if not then I say "if you don't then BLANK (you'll miss pool, or the whole cabin will be late for dinner or whatever pertains to the situation) ,you wouldn't want that would you?
That sounds like a good idea. :) Of course, if the camper still says no then I'm screwed. I've never really known how to go about doing this. Maybe the kids I've had problems with were just stubborn. I don't know. It's hard to change a kid's mind.

[audur]

My favorite sentence EVER (although I've only used it like once at camp - I use it more frequently at my other job) is (when a camper says "I don't want to!") "You don't have to want to - this is a have-to, not a want-to". SO funny, and it does work. Also, the phrase "These are your choices: If you ____, you can go swimming/we can all have extra flashlight time/whatever. If you don't ____, here's what will happen - _____. Which looks better to you?"

I honestly haven't had very many of my campers refuse to do something I ask of them. It happens ALL the time at my other job, though (I work with kids with mental disabilities during the school year) and I like those two approaches.

[campCardinal]

As for making the rest of the cabin wait-- if I'm the only counselor in my cabin on at the time there is really no other option. However, if we're both on duty one of us will take the rest of the cabin and then one will stay back.

If they keep saying no ask them why. There could be something they're scared about, or they're afraid of. Just be paitent.

Also, use positive threats not negative ones. Instead of, "If you don't do this, this will happen," say, "If you go and try this and attempt to do it -- this really cool thing might happen."

[Dave]

As for making the rest of the cabin wait-- if I'm the only counselor in my cabin on at the time there is really no other option. However, if we're both on duty one of us will take the rest of the cabin and then one will stay back.

If they keep saying no ask them why. There could be something they're scared about, or they're afraid of. Just be paitent.

Also, use positive threats not negative ones. Instead of, "If you don't do this, this will happen," say, "If you go and try this and attempt to do it -- this really cool thing might happen."
Those are some good ideas! I guess asking why might work. But what if they keep saying the usual "just because". What would you do then?

I do like your positive threats idea though. That's interesting, and something I never really thought about. I'll have to try it out this summer (hopefully I won't have to though...).

[camper]

simple. i say, "ok fine." and ask someone else. when that person willingly does it, they'll see how ridiculous they're being. for example:

me: carly, sweep the floor please, it's your job.
carly: no, i'm not doing it b/c no one else is doing their jobs.
me: ok fine...lindsay, could you please help us out and sweep?
lindsay: sure!
me: carly, how about you do dustpan for lindsay?
carly: fine.

you just have to know how to manipulate it. if the answer is still no, i would say: "ok, that's fine, i'll just get the grouphead to come in here and help." b/c once the grouphead gets involved it's serious...and most of the time the girls don't want that. i would say that works 99% of the time. chances are if the kid refuses to do something that the other kids are doing, she'll realize that they'll start to resent her anyway and end up doing whatever it is.

[Dave]

simple. i say, "ok fine." and ask someone else. when that person willingly does it, they'll see how ridiculous they're being. for example:

me: carly, sweep the floor please, it's your job.
carly: no, i'm not doing it b/c no one else is doing their jobs.
me: ok fine...lindsay, could you please help us out and sweep?
lindsay: sure!
me: carly, how about you do dustpan for lindsay?
carly: fine.

you just have to know how to manipulate it. if the answer is still no, i would say: "ok, that's fine, i'll just get the grouphead to come in here and help." b/c once the grouphead gets involved it's serious...and most of the time the girls don't want that. i would say that works 99% of the time. chances are if the kid refuses to do something that the other kids are doing, she'll realize that they'll start to resent her anyway and end up doing whatever it is.
We always use the group head (or division head in my case) threat. It's funny how the kids don't listen to us, but as soon as we mention our division head's name they do anything we ask. :P

I also liked your idea of making the other kid look bad by asking another kid to do what they were told.

[campCardinal]

If a camper just keeps saying "because..." I'll usually simply say, "That answer isn't good enough. If you can't give me a real answer then you can't say no." If the child really won't go somewhere or do something I'd get the assistant unit leader involved. Like Camper said, no one really wants to get the higher ups involved -- including the campers.

[Dave]

If a camper just keeps saying "because..." I'll usually simply say, "That answer isn't good enough. If you can't give me a real answer then you can't say no." If the child really won't go somewhere or do something I'd get the assistant unit leader involved. Like Camper said, no one really wants to get the higher ups involved -- including the campers.
Nice response. :) I never knew how to battle that "because" answer. Thanks. :D

I'm actually hoping I might run into one of these situations this summer just so I can test this stuff out.

[collissimon]

I really like choices, I use them all the time, good point audur!

If a kid doesn't want to participate, and is refusing to go (sometimes they think they're going to be rubbish, so they don't want to participate), then I usually insist that they come to the activity, because we stick together as a group so we know where everyone is. I then reassure him that he doesn't have to join in, just that he comes along, and sits where we can see him.

When he sees the other kids having fun, and he's bored, he will often join in.

I think the way you phrase it can also help. If you say 'I want you to...' or 'I need you to...' then that can sometimes stop a battle of wills in the first place. Also, if you explain why you want them to do something, that can work (though if they're flipping out, they won't be rational), and also shows them that you aren't telling them to do something for the sake of it.

If it's a chore or task they're not doing, you can use the carrot and the stick. The carrot is positive reinforcement, we have a point system, so there are extra half-points available for helping out specialists. We also have group points for when campers work together in a team. Both of these lead to rewards. Extra praise for campers who do tidy up/ selective ignoring for those who don't.

The stick is not getting your full points or consequences. You can also accept their decision, but tell them they will be doing the task during freetime. The choice between now and freetime doesn't always work, but if you do say that, you've got to make sure the kid does it when you say.

Sorry that was a bit long!

[camplover86]

I've never had a camper tell me no. If I do have problems with a camper, I give them choices, i do not simply take something away. After they know their choices, it is all in their hands and their decision. Also giving them the cause and effect statements, like "if you do/don't do ______, Then _______ will/will not happen." This works pretty well, and makes them think about their choices.

[CAMPFRIEND]

You all have great ideas. I just wanted to see what you all came up with. I know that is one of my interview questions!

[softballkid019]

during my second summer as a camp staff my camp director taught me this approach (this also works if you campers are being late to everything). if a camper doesn't want to do something i won't make them do it. i just let them know that they are wasting there own time. i have the whole summer to be at camp and they only have ___ days. if they don't want to do anything while at camp thats there choice. this works wonders usually. if they say no to doing something like helping cleaning i just tell them that the sooner we get done with it the faster we can do something else.

[who_stole_my_loofa]

I was goingt o put what camper wrote because that's pretty much exactly what we do and it works extremely well. Our jobs determine who gets what shower (like taking/getting new towels= showers 1 and 2, bathroon duty=3 and 4, while cubbie checker= shower 15 and free day= shower 16)- if you don't do your job you don't get to go at your shower time. If you refuse to do your job and someone else does it for you then they get your shower spot. It's a brilliant system so when it comes to chores we don't have a lot of arguing about it because the kids hate waiting to get in the shower or even worse a cold shower.

In terms of like "stop hitter her" "no!" that doesn't really happen for us but it would be obviously removal of privleges or an automatic trip to the UL/AL

Loofa

[rockinsmiles]

It all depends on what a camper is saying "no" to. If it is something like what they are wearing I'll tell them that we aren't leaving the cabin till they change. A lot of time peer presure plays a part here as the other girls don't want to be kept waiting. But if they aren't going to change (in a timely fashion), which i haven't had happend yet, I would go ahead and walk the group to our activity and then let the director,assident director, or head counselor talk to them. With other things like chores I agree with loofa and camper. And of course there are always other staff to help (like what was stated in another thread about a new face), and cool off periods for the campers. Something our head counselor shared was to always remember that we can not make a camper do something.

[Melk]

I know this might not always work but I always let my campers know at the begining of the session that I expect respect and good manners out of them and fellow staff such as saying please and thankyous. If you start the session with saying things like "Liz could you please stop playing cards and make your bed. When your finished you can go right back to playing the game" "Thankyou". Sometime it works and sometimes it doesnt.

[collissimon]

Melk,

I think that's an awesome way of dealing with things! Not only does it show that you have clear expectations, but that you follow the same rules as the campers when it comes to respect.

[CAMPFRIEND]

I think that the use of expectations over rules works much better. We know that kids have rules all the time. Camp is a place for them to be more independent. We all know that is what campers want. For some of them for the first time people are not telling them what to do all the time. I know that is one of the things that I loved about being a campers. Good post Melk!